Perhaps not what you are expecting…
Dear Fellow Denizens of the Internets,
I present a letter here before you with which I am attempting to resolve a little problem I have recently experienced.
Whilst using a device such as a Telecommunicative Mobile Telephony Device (a ‘Phone to all and sundry), it became apparent that my sadly music-bashed ears cannot seem to tell the difference between a large number of words. Unfortunately, the most painfully inaccurate word mishap which passed by my ears recently, was a confusion between the word Weirdness (which might not technically exist, however, one would assume that it means a proliferation of all that is weird), and the name of a small town located in the English County of Cheshire, called Widnes. To confuse such words in one’s mind is confusing in itself; imagine the inordinate repercussions this could have in polite conversation! I was, frankly, horrified and shocked.
After much fretting, and disturbing visions of the utopia contained within towns lying between Liverpool and Manchester being fraut with worry and strangeness, I have decided to try and train my ears in order to learn the difference in pronunciation between the two words. In order that, should any confusion arise in polite conversation in the future, one will not misinterpret the incorrect extremity of a small segment of timber.
(or in other words “get the wrong end of the stick”. Perhaps.)
And now, dear reader, you may have traversed the previous paragraphs and wondered “So, what the good name of Josephine has all of this nonsense got to do with me?” please feast your eyes over the next few lines of words. I would sincerely like your most kind and gracious help and assistance in rectifying this matter.
In other words, this is where you, dear reader, may be able to help.
I would be most greatful, if it would be possible for anyone casting their eyes over these words, written on a small page on the Internet, to send me their interpretations of the words Widnes and Weirdness, spoken in their voice, and recorded onto the computer in any which way possible. I can accept any sort of audio file-type-thing - be it .mp3, .wav, .ogg, or any concoction of strangely recorded file formats that it is possible to de-code.
If you require a free trial application to attempt a recording with, may i point you in the following direction, and may I also note that you may need a microphone for this endeavour!
As I am keen to hear as many different voices as possible pronouncing these words, please do not worry, whichever continent, satellite, country, planet or intergalactic internet journey you are reading this from. And also if you do not speak English. Any interpretations are welcome.
I would be rather keen to hear voices speaking this sentance:
“The location is called Widnes; the other strange word is Weirdness”
If you could also please include a little further spoken information, of your name (or nickname, or nom-de-plume) and your very-round-about location, this will assist me greatly.
If you have reached this far, please give yourself a virtual pat on the back. With your own hand. Somehow. Or, pick up a stick, or a solid object, and use that to pat your back instead. Well Done!
(Although, please do not pat too hard, this may cause injury.)
(Is that enough sarcasm now? Okay, back to the talk…)
The next step - sending. Please send any sort of file you may have compiled to the e-mail address listed under the “contact me” link to the left - please remove all of the dashes between the words and replace them with the respective “dot” and “at” signs, and this will arrive in my inbox quicker than a carrier pigeon beamed around the world at the speed of light.
I thank you very much for reading these humble words, and very much look forward to being able to attune my ears to the differences between two (largely different) words, and thank you in advance for sending in any contributions you may have. Saltuations to the Internet, and all who may sail in her!
Thanking you Kindly!
Absolutely Miles Away
(albeit with dodgy ears)
6 Comments