Absolutely Miles Away …too many clouds, too little time…

visibilical

I have lost what right there is left. how to tell between right and wrong? How to know thine enemies? I want to speak, to listen, to think, to cement, but I fear the right words and the right time do not exist. Check the sky for signs. Check the dirt for signs. Check the air for smoke signals.

I dont know what i am checking for, why the check exists or which seeming adversary lies behind a small veil today, clawing at all the thoughts i hold true. There is no hiding place or locked drawer in which to keep my secrets safe, or even the secrets of the small things which make me smile. All are subject to my own fearless ferocity.

In time, these thoughts disperse in the sea of meaning; their previous iceberg presence has melted away so grandiose drops of falling berg mix in with bitter salty water, for an iced mess, conglomerating in the world wide waters. It is simply not possible to reconstruct what was previously a mountain from its fallen remains.

And what made it topple? The truth? Nothing. Nothing at all.

The sour squeeze of freshly acidic lemon juice was rubbed onto the calloused hands of athletic runners; they run, to this day, their predetermined distance and pass the brainy baton to the next runner. Every exchange cursing out thoughts, memories, friends, as the squashed juice of thought splatters the racetrack. Delete, delete, delete. Except, the racetrack, runners and minds do not exist. They are just elaborately constructed visible metaphors to elaborate a nothingness.

I don’t want time to sour the knowledge of how to smile. It’s threatening to take this away; i am leaving orbit with no rocks to cling to while the oceans drain down the plughole. I am in hedonistic pursuit of an invisible apparition.

I am? I was. I maybe. I still. I am.

- I don’t want time to sour the knowledge of how to smile -

I hope that knowledge never leaves you, no matter how far out of orbit you go.. smiles exist in the small things and simple moments and creep up on you just as you think lifes hardness has finally set your face in stone.

I sometimes long to be like a kid again in some ways–fancy-free and smiling all the time without burden.

Then I realize that I never really was burdenless…

love that last line, I find apparitions become visible with enough hedonism

Camille: it is important never to forget, but do you ever find it is difficult to remember?

Andophiroxia: there do exist small, tiny moments where one can be burdenless for a split second…

Peach: how would one go about enticing such hedonism?

True…but I can’t remember those split seconds. My brain is like swiss cheese right now…

yes i suppose sometimes it is.

Maybe a post-it note would help, plaster a wall in them and then when the day comes you will have a ready made manual to re-jog that memory…