doubtsick
enamel baulks at the sight of that brashly coloured gluey mess, coupled with the saccharine laced liquids imbibed along with sugared ellipses to numb the dark taste of sleep. And to numb the dark taste of awakeness. Teeth and mind and body are still complaining from these actions, days later. Yet still we poison ourselves slowly, pickling and preserving cells slowly ceasing to exist. We cannot cease this.
A battle of wills between one self and onesself, juxtaposed in the same location. I surround myself in the only thing to warm the chill away at this time in the eve; the one thing of safety. No bolt or clicking latch will suffice. I stare into thin air. Into thin air, the stare looks back.
Icy fingers tap away on slowly cooling skin. Internal organs beat and churn. Icicle laden grey air is inhaled and exhaled, cutting lungs into tiny slivers of paper-thin uselessness. Running. Hiding. Further. Everything says to stop. You say to stop. He says to stop. They say to stop. Yet still you carry on, trying to stop, trying to listen. But it doesn’t work on one lonely voice. Stop trying so much. Stop making it so. Stop single letters. Stop bracket faces. Stop exclamations. Stop words. Full stop. Stop.
I look and check and make sure again, nothing. It’s not important. Leave it alone. Let it be. It will be what it is. Whatever. However.
If these effluvian doubts were erased, how many high horses could be climbed upon and epic battles led from?
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